Amid the millions of other things on my mind lately, there are two that continue to return to the forefront—mindfulness and stillness.
Being a mother of four boys, finding time in my day to be still is nearly impossible. As you might imagine, I’m constantly breaking up wrestling matches and using phrases like “don’t hit your brother” on repeat, and if I’m not doing that, I’m trying to fold the laundry, getting a snack for a hungry child (or four), juggling housework with schoolwork, or sitting in the dojo watching my boys learn new katas. There is constantly someone banging on the door when I’m in the shower, someone hovering behind me while I do the dishes, or following me around telling me the world’s longest story.
No, silence is not something we have in excess in my house. Which is probably why I’ve been thinking so much about it lately.
Mindfulness is a term used to describe the act of being fully present, experiencing every touch, every thought, every smell, and everything happening around you in present time. With so much to keep track of in my life, I constantly find myself planning for the next thing: the next meal, the next lesson I need to teach, the next school deadline, the next day I might actually get a break. And thanks to my anxiety, I’m constantly living in the past too, worrying about all of the dumb stuff I’ve ever done or said in my life—you know the routine.
So basically, I’m horrible at being mindful. And still.
This is why it’s taken me so long to write a new blog post—I’ve been focused on practicing these skills I’m so seriously lacking, and wanted to find some success before I wrote this.
Amid the chaos of everyday life, I’m trying very hard to find time to be still. And stay present. Because I know how important it is for my mental health. For my overall well-being. I mean, if I’m living only in the future or the past, am I ever really living?
So I’ve tried to be here. To really be here. To smell the clean scent of dish soap, feel the suds between my fingers, and enjoy the satisfaction of an empty sink, rather than looking at that sink and wondering how many minutes it’ll be until the dishes start piling up again. I’m trying to take joy in the completion of a task. To feel the warmth of one of my littlest boys while they’re cuddling up next to me. To smell the peanut butter on his breath as he giggles and tells me a story about a make believe game he’s been playing. To relish in the comfort of being cuddled up in a comfy blanket on the couch, reading a good book.
I’m trying to take the time to rest when I’m tired, take naps when I need them. And in those little moments of silence I’m doing my best to be still. Because in the stillness is when I receive my best inspiration. In those tiny moments, I find the peace I need to keep me going through the day.
Now, let’s be clear—I am not perfect at being mindful and still. Far from it, actually. But I’m trying. I’m trying hard to be aware of myself. Of my surroundings. Of everything.
Maybe someday I’ll get better at this. Because oftentimes these moments of stillness are exactly that—only moments. But I find that if I just try to be still and do my best to be mindful, I’m able to be more content in my life. A better version of myself.
As mothers, women, humans, we need to take time to be still, to be mindful, and to give ourselves a break. It’s the least we can do. And definitely what we deserve.