To say the past few weeks have been crazy would be an absolute understatement. The last two weeks have been some of the most bizarre times I think a lot of us have ever lived through. Having a pandemic spread across the globe so quickly has been surreal. Knowing that no one is safe from it is terrifying. And seeing the blatant disregard some people have for the simple measures we’re being asked to follow to help prevent the spread of this deadly virus is just downright upsetting.
It is my belief that you never really get to know a person until you’ve seen them through bad times. Anyone can put on a smile when things are going their way, but it’s not until the tides have turned and things start falling apart that someone’s true character comes through. And unfortunately, the true self coming out in many people at this time isn’t that great.
Times are tough. Uncertainty abounds. And we’re all looking for answers. A way to get through this intact.
I’ve given a lot of thought to this as I’ve watched the recent events unfold. Heard stories of children getting sick. Of elderly people who are terrified to leave their homes. Of people hoarding groceries and other necessities. Walking into stores with empty shelves has become the norm. And as every day passes and the death toll rises, more strict measures are put into place in an attempt to at least slow the spread.
Thanks to my buddy, anxiety, I’ve found myself in moments of panic. Not physical panic, but mental panic. My mind runs wild, imagining the worst case scenario. What if I run out of my medication? What if someone in my home gets sick? What if one of us ends up in the hospital? What if someone I love dies?
Putting on a brave face for my kids has become just another mask I’m forced to wear as I navigate these changing times. Mothering four children with varying degrees of anxiety has forced me to hide a lot of my own fear so I can be there for them, reassuring them that we will get through this. But between trying to keep my kids calm, teaching them, and struggling to keep them entertained, I’ve lost myself completely. Despite my nightly handful of melatonin, I’m struggling to get to sleep each night. As the days wear on, it’s getting harder to function. And the more pressure I put on myself to be everything for everyone, the more likely I am to start spiraling out of control mentally. And I know I’m not the only person who feels this way.
So what can we do? Is it even possible to take care of ourselves when it feels like everything is falling apart?
In recent months, I’ve tried to focus on being mindful. More aware of myself and everything around me. Because of that, I’m determined to find something to be grateful for every day, regardless of what’s going on. No matter how scared I am. Or how worn out I am after comforting my boys. I am forcing (sometimes kicking and screaming) myself to look at the positive.
We may be stuck at home for the foreseeable future, but at least we have a warm place to stay. We still have electricity. We have food. We have the internet and television and books and music. And we have each other.
Life is moving at a slower pace without activities to attend and appointments to keep. We have family dinner every night. We discuss books and the arts. We have the opportunity to talk about subjects I’m not sure we ever would have discussed otherwise because talking to each other is our new go-to pastime.
Too often in my life, I’m completely overwhelmed with juggling my responsibilities and trying to look like I have it all together. And heck, now, I don’t even have to wear jeans every day. Or makeup. I can take the time to rest if I’m tired. I can cuddle with my kids on the couch and not have to keep my eye on the clock to make sure I have the time. There’s nowhere to go. There’s not much to do. But we’re making due. And we’re finding happiness in the boring. In the mundane. I’m learning to slow down and even stop. To do things I love to do, like reading, writing, and napping. I’m really good at napping.
In the past, my parents and I used to talk every day, but as life has become increasingly busier in recent years, I’m harder to get ahold of. Now, my parents Facetime me every morning. We’re all reconnecting. We’re finding new ways to let others know they’re not alone. We’re reaching out and rediscovering what’s most important.
While some days it may feel like the sky is falling, I challenge you to find happiness. Make sure your true colors are some you’ll be proud of. Be the good. Help spread joy. Look for ways to lift those around you. And take this time to reconnect, not only with those around you, but with yourself.
And for the love of all that is holy, practice social distancing and stay the heck home.